Got a toothbrush?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
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Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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