A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation