dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap