now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!