Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?