I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
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The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
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Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.