Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
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Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
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Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store