When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way