the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.