the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy