Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.