just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
