She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
