You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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