how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize