so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
