anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
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We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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