cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
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