thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
