No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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