i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
