well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this