If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet