Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you