A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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