You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
