He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
