pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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