Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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