hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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