You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
