i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i dont even know how to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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