Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She bit a glass in half.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!