you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.