You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.