he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(