How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize