This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.