That's when you crack a 10am beer
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
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I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
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Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.