Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
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He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it