So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.