my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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