Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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