I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
