this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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