My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We're too hungover to prance.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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