But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
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It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
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What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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