you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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