I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
In other news, I just burned my penis
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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