1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
