You're a womanizer and a bitch.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
