I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
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It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.