i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
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I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
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They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?