So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.