Sry I called you an 8
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.