Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
