piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
