Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.