In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?