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and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
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