They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.