That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why