Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize