I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
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just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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