Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
