i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
