So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
