Only a mothe r could love this liver
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
