why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
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