i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
