can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
