i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I AM VODKA MAN
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
