The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
